“We are perpetually torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and the strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”
― Carson McCullers
I’m sorry
for the very late update, guys. Unfortunately, for the past few weeks I’ve
barely had the time to catch any sleep, much less write anything.
So here’s
the big news. I’m now a newly minted graduate, and all set to start my new life
at university!
But things
aren’t just excitement and fun. In fact, at the moment, they’re quite the
opposite. Why, you ask? Because government universities in India appear to bear
a terrible grudge against punctuality. Well, most of them anyway. Some of them
have been thoroughly punctual, but unfortunately those were the exceptions. The
rest seem to be of the opinion that declaring the results of entrance exams is
only a little less important than watching tumbly-puppy videos on YouTube.
But the
thing is, while I still don’t know for sure which of the several fantastic
universities across the length and breadth of this beautiful country I will
finally end up in, I know one thing for certain. It ain't gonna be one in my
city.
Now don’t
get me wrong here. I LOVE my city. I love its roads and its (sometimes ramshackle)
buses and its cafes and malls and parks. I love the phuchka stalls at
every street-corner and the jhalmuri uncles on the local trains. I’ve
had the time of my life here, in the nooks and crannies of this gorgeous town!
There is absolutely nothing about it I won’t miss. Well, maybe the traffic.
Probably won’t miss that too much; but then, that’s neither here nor there.
Now you might be asking the question, if you loved it so much, why leave?
It certainly isn’t that
there aren’t any good universities in Kolkata. There are, and very good ones at
that. Many of my friends have decided to remain here to pursue their post
graduate studies, while many others left right after school. Personally, I made
no attempt to leave home after school, didn’t even apply to any colleges
outside Kolkata. And you know what? I’m glad I didn’t. I wasn’t ready yet.
Hell, I barely know if I’m ready now.
But I always
knew that at some point or the other, I would leave. And if I don’t do it now,
I don’t think I ever will. Familiarity is addictive, nice warm and comfortable,
like a soft worn blanket on your shoulders. It’s not something you wanna get
rid of if you can possibly help it, no matter how frayed it’s gotten. Well, at
least I don’t.
But sooner
or later, it must be done. Not for lack of love for the familiar. As I said, I
have loved every moment of my life in Kolkata. But there’s more to the world
than home. Hell, when you think about it, in the vast stretches of empty space
that is our universe, the entire world is home! A tiny oasis of
familiarity and comfort in a scary sea of the unknown.
And it is
scary, to wade out into the unfamiliar, unknown waters of that sea all on my
own, leaving everything I know behind. I don’t know how I’ll fare, whether I’ll
sink or swim in the new waters.
But that’s
the point! I have to find out for myself! I need to know what’s out there, what
the world looks like from the windows of a room not my own. In a strange way, I
feel as if I have to leave my comfort zone to learn to be comfortable in my own
skin. I don’t even know if that makes any sense, but somehow, it feels
important to me.
Perhaps it
is just another rite of passage that I have to overcome before I can really call
myself an adult – not just chronologically, but in all the ways that really matter.
I know I’ll be homesick, probably even pretty depressed for the first few weeks.
Hell, I’m missing my friends already, not to mention my home and family. But
maybe, hopefully, I’ll also learn some new things while I’m at it, meet new
people and gain some new experiences that would have eluded me in the comfort
of my home.
And the best part? Through all of it, through all
the excitement and the heartache, the adventures and the nostalgia, I’ll always
have a home to call my own, a place to return to when the outside world gets to
be too much.
I’ll always have my city, my Kolkata!!! :)
