An Excess of Romance: Why We Need More Focus on Platonic Relationships in Fiction

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Romance. I don’t think there’s much that I can say about it that hasn’t been said already.

Stories, poems, blogs and books about romance are hardly in short supply. Anything you want to know about the subject (and much that you don’t), somebody has already written about somewhere. So, you might ask, why am I writing ANOTHER blog post about romance?

Well, the answer to that question is that I’m not. In fact, I’m writing something that’s the exact opposite.

Heh. I suppose that’s not entirely true either. I have nothing against romance in the real world. Not that I have any experience in it to present you with an informed opinion.

Today, we’re talking about fictional romance. About the ubiquity, the nigh omnipresence of romance in popular fiction.

Well, I suppose movies are more guilty of this than novels, but only marginally.

Romance – It’s EVERYWHERE!!

Let’s get something out of the way from the get-go. I’m not against a well written romantic novel, or a funny and engaging rom-com for that matter. That’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the fact that creators seem to feel the need to shoehorn in random bits of romantic subplot into stories that otherwise have absolutely nothing to do with romance.

I mean you could simply remove the romance – rip it clean out of the narrative – and nothing would change. It wouldn’t impact the story in any way whatsoever. Want an example? Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. Many hard-boiled crime/detective fiction has this problem of undeveloped and unnecessary romantic subplots being shoehorned in, so it’s not like I’m picking on Dan Brown here.

Angels and Demons is just the most recent novel I’ve read where I encountered this problem. Another one that comes to mind is The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. Why did Locke need to be obsessed with some random woman who never makes an appearance on the page and has no role to play in the story? Who knows? It’s not as if we could have a hero without a love interest (horror of horrors)!

Theft of Swords by Michael J. Sullivan was probably my favorite book of 2018, and even that suffered from this shoehorning problem. Royce – one of the two protagonists – has a girlfriend who is also a badass prostitute and is mentioned all of five times in the first two books. Why did she need to exist? Well, I’m still waiting to find out.

It’s not even that I dislike romantic subplots. In fact, they can be very well done in some stories. Think Peter and El’s relationship in White Collar and compare it to the non-existent chemistry between Aragorn and Arwen in the Lord of the Rings movies. Sigh.

So why do creators – be they novelists or showrunners or moviemakers – feel the need to insert incongruent romantic subplots into their stories, regardless of whether or not it makes any sense?

Everybody loves romance! Or do they???

One reason could be that romance is universally relatable, so it increases the potential target audience of the story. I mean, you may not be a big fan of classic medieval fantasy but might still watch the LoTR movies because of Arwen and Aragorn and their relationship. Well, that’s the theory anyway.

The problem is, though, that this doesn’t really work.

I mean, it’s not as if there’s any shortage of good romantic fiction out there. There are thousands upon thousands of excellent (and some not-so-excellent) romantic novels and movies; created by people who are genuinely interested in the subject and enjoy writing about it.

So why would a reader who is genuinely interested in the romantic aspect of the story, forgo all of that great literature to read a half-assed attempt at romance inserted into a storyline that would not just have survived, but thrived without it?

Nobody reads Dan Brown for the romance. Angels and Demons would have done just as well had Vittoria Vetra been Langdon’s long-lost sister.

Which is not to say, of course, that writers and storytellers should not portray romantic relationships in their stories unless it serves some kind of a crucial plot related purpose.

Romance is a part of life for most people, and a character can have a love interest even if the love interest doesn’t really add anything to the story, just like they can have a mother, father, brother, or pet dog that doesn’t add much to the story.

The problem arises when it becomes almost a cardinal rule of storytelling that the main character MUST have a love interest, regardless of what else the story is about.

A Single-Minded Focus

I’m not saying there aren’t stories with absolutely no romance in them. Of course, all rules have exceptions. But it’s hard to find a popular piece of fiction, written in recent times, where the main character doesn’t have a love interest of some sort.

If Poirot had been created in the 2010s, you can be damn sure he would have had a long-lost girlfriend (or boyfriend) tucked in there somewhere!

And that wouldn’t be a problem if this exclusive focus on romantic couplings hadn’t sidelined all other types of relationships. Platonic relationships, even those as fundamental as parent-child or sibling relationships, are often overlooked and glossed over in favor of devoting page-time to a romance that may or may not add anything to the story.

The Sidelining of Platonic Relationships

Of course, there are exceptions to this too. Supernatural, one of the most popular (and long running) TV shows of recent times, is all about the relationship between two brothers, their trials, tribulations and triumphs.

But that is definitely more an exception than a rule.

Even with the recent rise in the popularity of on-screen ‘bromances’, far fewer shows, films or books focus heavily on platonic relationship dynamics at the cost of romantic ones.

Nowhere is this more apparent than in BBC’s Sherlock, where a canonically aromantic character such as Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes was romantically ‘shipped’ with multiple characters by the showrunners throughout the four seasons of the show. The same can be said for Elementary, Sherlock’s American counterpart.

It got to the point where even Mycroft, Sherlock’s nigh-omniscient and borderline robotic older brother, wasn’t spared the shipping treatment in the final few episodes of the BBC show.

The Increasing Diversity in Fictional Romance

Of course, one must give credit where credit is due. And while romance is everywhere, at least it’s now far less monochromatic and homogenous than it was before.

While it’s still not very common, it wouldn’t be absolutely shocking and unimaginable to see (or read about) a lead character in a same-sex relationship of the romantic variety. Case in point, one of the characters that BBC’s eponymous Sherlock was relentlessly ‘shipped’ with, by both the showrunners and the fans, was Dr. John Watson, his best friend and companion from the original novels and short stories.

Which again, brings us neatly around to the point about the glossing over of platonic relationships in favor of romantic ones.

Perhaps the fact that I am aromantic has something to do with my fatigue with the oversaturation of romance in fiction. It certainly does have a role to play, in all probability.

But mostly, I’m tired of seeing the same old tropes reused over and over again by people who very obviously don’t even care about the tropes themselves, and are only adding them in because they somehow feel like they have to.

There are romantic subplots that I still enjoy, but they’re few and far between. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo is a good example of a story that properly integrates the romance with the plot without making it feel contrived.

But you know what I’d really like at this point?

A Break from the Constant Barrage

A main character who doesn’t give a flying fuck about getting the girl (or the guy), and has, you know, goals and aims that do not revolve around the desire to stick their tongue down somebody else’s throat. That’d be a nice change of pace, wouldn’t it?

It’s not even that they have to be aromantic or asexual or anything like that (though a little representation here and there wouldn’t be totally unwelcome). But that isn’t the point. At least not for me, and not at this moment.

The point is to explore relationships that don’t necessarily end with the participants getting into each other’s pants.

Not as viscerally satisfying, perhaps, but certainly quite emotionally rewarding when done well. Theft of Swords got this right with the relationship between friends and partners-in-crime, Royce and Hadrian.

I haven’t finished the series yet, but I would pay to see Brent Weeks spend more page-time developing the relationship between Kip and his father/uncle Gavin, rather than the tired old bodyguard romance between Gavin and Karris.

And dear Lord and Terry Pratchett, could we have a sequel to Good Omens? Pretty please?!!

My Own Struggles with Romantic Subplots

And it’s not that I haven’t tried writing romance myself. Believe me, I have! But for me personally, it always felt like being on the outside looking in. And not with a clear enough view to do justice to the genre or bring much by way of authenticity to the table.

So when I started writing my second novel, I decided to forgo any romantic subplots. Which wasn’t an easy decision at the time; not with the market flooded with romance-laden fiction in every genre.

For a time, I genuinely believed that nobody might want to read a book with no romance in it.

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? There are already plenty of books with plenty of romance in them. And better written romance than anything I could hope to produce. So why would a romance enthusiast come my way to satisfy their cravings for literary liaisons anyway?

And maybe I didn’t need everyone under the sun to like my stories. Maybe, all I needed was to be true to myself, and by extension, to maybe be true to the people who agree with me about this particular topic.

Authenticity versus Popularity

I mean, surely I can’t be the only person who’s been dying to read about a solid friendship surrounded by all the magic, mayhem and badassery that the mind can handle!

Surely, there are other people out there who find the development and growth of an interesting platonic relationship as engaging as that of a romantic one.

And if not? Well, at least I would have written a novel that I wanted to read.

Which is not to say that I will never write about romantic relationships, of course. Just that I wouldn’t do so just to tick a box by inserting a cliché love story into a novel that doesn’t need it, and isn’t enriched by it in any way.

And if that means I’m not casting as wide a net as I could have for my projects? Well, at least I’d be casting a more authentic one, and hopefully a more interesting one as well!

And if at some point in the future, I feel like there’s a romantic story that I just HAVE to tell? Oh well, blog posts can always be edited, can they not?

Of Shitty Bosses and Long Commutes – Busting the Myth of a Perfect Career

Life is what happens to us while we’re busy making other plans.

And it isn’t just ourselves for whom we make plans, either. We make them for others too. And no one does this more than parents.

Mine certainly did. Good school – better college – elite university – high end job. That was the plan.

And if you cribbed about any of the steps in the process? If you didn’t like the curriculum at school or hated the professors at college? Well, you see, there’s a reason for all the pain you’re going through now, all the seemingly pointless stress and hardship.

The Myth of the Perfect Job

And that reason – the end goal of all this struggle and strife – is, of course, a GOOD job.

That was supposed to be the ultimate deliverance. Get a good job and your life is set. You’ll never face another problem again. Study as hard as you can now, sacrifice fun and frivolity, so that you can lead the good life and fulfill all your dreams after you have reached that Promised Land –

The hallowed realm of a 9-5 office job with security, insurance, and maybe even a provident fund!

And somehow, I fell for this fairy tale hook, line, and sinker. Perhaps I was naïve, but I certainly wasn’t alone. Most of my friends believed it too. Believed that everything they didn’t or couldn’t have now, they’d get once they reached the Promised Land of Gainful Employment. That all the sacrifices made now, all the missed parties and cancelled dates, will pay off once they had that GOOD job.

And then we got the jobs.

And sheesh! What a bloody disappointment. Was this supposed to be the perfect job, the perfect career, and the perfect life that made all of those sleepless nights and endless tests worth it? Was this what I was supposed to do for the next 40-odd years? This was the sacred goal we’d all been striving for over the last two decades?

‘Cause it didn’t feel like freedom. It certainly didn’t feel like any kind of a reward. On the contrary, I felt more shackled and stressed and frantic than I ever had before.

A Brief Sojourn Into the Past

Okay, so let’s back up a bit. How did we get here?

I got my post-graduate degree in Journalism and, through the placement drive at our college, got placed at a renowned digital media company in another city. However, I eventually ended up not taking that job, mostly because I didn’t think I’d be able to get any writing done while adjusting to a new city and a new job.

Of course, that’s not to say that it can’t be done, just that I didn’t feel I could do it at that point in my life.

So I returned home, and within a month, found a job at the regional branch of a national newspaper.

And landed straight into a toxic work environment with a bullying gas-lighter of a boss.

Had this happened today, I would have known exactly what was happening and walked out of the place within the first week. But I was young, inexperienced, confused and scared half to death. I was surrounded by people who kept telling me just how hard it was to get a job, how competitive the market was, what the rate of unemployment in the country was, and how terrible an idea it was to leave a relatively good job with decent opportunity for growth.

And then, one day I realized that I couldn’t imagine going back to that office without wanting to hurl myself over a cliff. And so, to the shock and apprehension of friends and family alike, I quit.

I then took a three month break to get an operation I had been putting off for over a year and write the first draft of my second novel.

Once that first draft was complete, I began job hunting again. The best offer (or at least the one that seemed to be) came from a pretty big company whose office was located almost two hours away from my home.

I had never had a long commute before, so I guess I underestimated the toll it took on you. Anyway, after I started the job, it turned out that the company had hired a bunch of people and done a bait and switch on them. We had been hired for the job of content writing, but what we were essentially doing was data entry.

Again, it was a confusing and frustrating situation. HR kept trying to mislead us and as most of the recruits were freshers and new to the job market, none of them really knew how to respond to the situation in a way that wouldn’t be counterproductive. We were also all scared to death and intimidated by our seniors.

So basically, I ended up traveling four hours a day for a 9-hour shift, six days a week, doing work that bored me to tears.

I also felt twice the amount of pressure, as I had already left one job because of a bad work environment. Was I really going to leave another one because I didn’t like the work?

I did. Within two weeks of joining.

Job Hopping – The Spice of Life

I then took a third job (with a massive pay cut, because I was desperate) very close to my home. This company was pretty much a content mill with a tiny office that made us write 5k words of regurgitated articles a day, every day.

But hell, at least I was writing. And the fact that the office was a 30 minute walk from my home also saved me a ton of time that I could then use to work on my own projects. I also had one of my closest friends from college as a colleague, which made it a pleasure to go to work every day. There was at least one thing in the office that I was always looking forward to!

This continued for six months, by which point I’d gotten quite good at the job and quite bored of being underpaid and overworked day in and day out.

Thus began my fourth job hunt in just over a year.

But I was more careful this time! I’d learned from my mistakes, and I was in no hurry to get a new job, as I already had one that I didn’t actively hate.

I carefully researched every single company that I applied to and ensured that they all met my criteria – no long commutes and no six-day work weeks. And of course, no toxic work environment.

I finally found a company that seemed to meet most of these demands halfway. It was an hour’s bus ride away from my home, it had every other Saturday off, the people seemed nice, and the pay wasn’t shabby either. It was certainly the best offer I’d gotten so far.

So I took it.

And then freaked the hell out over the one month when I was serving my notice period. My current company was not an ideal place to work by any stretch of the imagination. But it definitely had its perks.

I had friends at the office, the work environment was reasonably good, and it was a short walk away from my house. I was good at the work I was doing and knew that I was a valued member of the team.

And I was leaving all that behind for a place that I knew nothing about. Sure, I’d done my homework and read Glassdoor reviews. But that was hardly fool proof evidence of anything.

For all I knew, I’d probably end up back in a toxic culture with a psycho boss doing data entry.

So when my (former) boss asked me to reconsider my decision a week before the last day of my notice period, I was in a real dilemma. Of course, I wanted a better job. But what’s to say that the next job would be any better? What’s to say it wouldn’t be worse?

As you can probably tell, to say that my experiences in the job market had scarred me would be an understatement.

A Leap of Faith

In the end though, I did stick to my decision and make the transition.

It was scary as all hell, and I was pretty much jumping at shadows my first week at the new office, waiting for the other shoe to drop and everything to blow up in my face.

It didn’t, though. Everything was nice and civilized and just as it had seemed from the outside. Nobody bullied me, called me names, or asked me to do anything I wasn’t meant to be doing. Nor was I expected to write 5k words a day, every day. Thank heaven for that!

There was even a coffee machine with an unlimited supply of free coffee! Three cheers for my budding caffeine addiction. Yay!!!

I could scarcely believe my luck! I felt like I’d reached heaven. Sure, it wasn’t the Promised Land we’d all dreamed of in musty classrooms with cranky teachers. It certainly didn’t solve all my problems or make the trials and tribulations of high school feel worth it.

But it was something even better. It was a real place where I was really happy, where I felt like I belonged. Well, most of the time anyway.

The Reality We Never Talk About

So you might be wondering why I’m telling you all this. The purpose of this article isn’t to give you the abridged edition of my life story.

I’m writing this because I think that someone needs to say this out loud. Hell, I wish someone had told me all of this when my life was spiraling into chaos.

A job is NOT your life’s purpose. It is NOT your identity. It is in fact nothing more than a means to an end; the end being a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. And it’s certainly not the ONLY means to that end. There are plenty of others.

I don’t know why we’ve created this ridiculous hype around jobs. I didn’t even notice it was there until I was torn (quite rudely) out of it by circumstances. We’re essentially telling students that the purpose of their education, their life, is to get the highest package at the most renowned company.

Like really? Is that how sad a place the world is, that sitting in a cubicle nine hours a day is literally the most exciting and fulfilling thing we can think of?

I’m not saying that having a good job isn’t important, of course. It’s terribly important. And if you can manage to find a job that brings you prestige, happiness, money, and fulfilment, you’ve quite literally hit the jackpot! Enjoy it!

But that’s the point. Such jobs are an (extreme) rarity. Most jobs are vaguely boring and repetitive at best, mind-numbingly stressful and exhausting at worst. Add to that the issues of commute, work environment, stress tolerance, long hours, and matching the right job with the right person, and it’s quite improbable that you’ll manage to find that one perfect job that can transform your miserable life into an overnight success story.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have jobs. I’m just saying that we should have more realistic expectations about what employment actually entails. Having a job is not some magical gateway into the land of freedom and extravagance. It’s just an exchange of time and labor for money. And nobody ever pays you for having a good time.

Giving children a realistic idea of what jobs entail, instead of perpetuating the ridiculous idea that all problems will be solved and all your hard work rewarded as soon as you land that one perfect job, will actually help prepare them better for the job market and make them better employees.

Let’s Just Tell the Goddamn Truth

Getting a job may solve some problems, chiefly financial, but it brings a host of new ones. Lack of time, too much stress, fraying relationships, and chronic exhaustion, just to name a few. We need to help students prepare to deal with these potential problems before they start working, instead of hand-waving them with meaningless fairytales until they land face first into disillusioned bafflement.

I felt compelled to write this post because I saw so many of my peers confused and stressed out by the realities of corporate life once they started working. I started work a year before most of my classmates, so I already had some experience by the time they started entering the workforce earlier this year.

And boy was it a throwback to the good old days of corporate newbie-dom! The confusion, the stress, the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. The miserable realization that this was going to continue for the next 40 years. If I never have to feel those feelings again in my life, it would be a lifetime too soon! A little bit of warning wouldn’t have gone amiss, teachers and parents!

It’s Okay to be the Ugly Corporate Duckling

So I guess what I’m trying to say is this. If you don’t love your job, that’s okay. Most people don’t. There’s nothing wrong with you for not being ecstatic at the prospect of spending nine hours a day, six days a week, sitting in a chair doing some repetitive task hour after hour, day after day. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to wake up at the crack of dawn and endure hour-long rides in overcrowded buses. That’s drudgery, and while it may well be an essential part of life, we shouldn’t be so afraid of calling it exactly what it is.

And if you hate your job? Get out.

But don’t jump from the frying pan only to land into the fire (or at least try not to, shit happens sometimes). Ask yourself what makes your present situation so terrible for you personally; not everybody is bothered by the same problems.

You might be going out of your mind from the monotony of a job that someone else finds quite interesting. You might hate a work culture that a different type of person would love. So decide on the things that you want (and don’t want) and then look for a job that can meet most, if not all, of those criteria.

Know What You Want

For me personally, I wanted a job that would involve writing and that would leave me with enough time and energy to work on my own projects. So that’s what I looked for (and finally got, the fourth time around).

Someone else might want more excitement, or quick growth, or even a prettier office. Those are all valid desires, but you can’t get what you want if you don’t even know what it is.

You don’t have to go for the biggest company or the highest package just because those are popular priorities. And you certainly don’t need to stay with a bad employer just because there’s too much competition in the job market. There will never be enough jobs in the market if you don’t start looking.

And Don’t Fall For the Hype

In conclusion? Jobs are hard and tiring and time consuming. They can also be boring and toxic and stressful.

So don’t blame yourself for not fitting the popular image of a smart, smiling, and snappily dressed corporate employee. Because that’s all it really is – an image.

And not a very realistic one at that!